is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
