I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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