Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
