she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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