there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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