If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
