you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
