hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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