So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
