Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
