At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
