he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will pee on everything he values.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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