I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
