just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
