is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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