Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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