i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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