i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
