i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
