Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
