when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
