he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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