Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
