2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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