I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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