Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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