Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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