is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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