idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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