Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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