I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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