I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
