I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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