Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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