I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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