I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Acid is not a monday night drug
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
