I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
