just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
