I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
