At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
