I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
