just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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