Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
