Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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