i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
