he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
me + whiskey = a bad person
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
