People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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