So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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