THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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