Farmville is her only friend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
