i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
