We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
