dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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