And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
