We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
