So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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