Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
