Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
