Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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