if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
