Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I enjoy the company of your penis
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