I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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