Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
