the condom got lost in my hair
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
