I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
