god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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