yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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