The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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