Just fell off a train. Bad.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
