Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
