a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
