the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
