wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
