Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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