ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
