Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
