How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
